Held
I am going to deviate from my normal topics for tonight. Today is a very significant day for me. Nobody else will probably realize the meaning of this day, but I will never forget...for it was one year ago today that I lost something very sacred to me. I feel as though I should share some of my thoughts in the hopes they may help someone else.

I came across this song recently, and although the first few lines are in reference to the untimely death of a child, the meaning behind the song can be applied to anything we feel is sacred in our lives. Here are the lyrics to "Held" by Natalie Grant:

Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling
Who told us we'd be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
We're asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it's unfair
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held
This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held
If hope if born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour
Watching for our savior
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held

Here is a link to the song. I strongly encourage you to listen. You won't regret it...I promise!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOufqWodFNo

Unlike most songs in which the writer usually tells us to hold on and we’ll soon see God’s hand of deliverance – this song reminds us that we aren’t given any specific promise of deliverance on this earth.

You can be angry with the circumstances you face. You can rail in anguish at the seeming indifference of a Father in heaven. You can weep and cry and bargain for your pain to be removed. Your pain is real and your desire for healing and deliverance is understandable.
The Bible says in Matthew 5:45 that God sends sunshine and rain on the just and the unjust.

Good things will happen to bad people and bad things will happen to good people.

From our point of view – God abandons us and allows us to experience terrible loss when He could and should intervene on our behalf.

But from His point of view – what does He see? We can’t fathom it.

What do we know about God? He is good. He is holy. He is all powerful. He created us and He loved us so much that He would not allow us to die in our sin. He sent His only Son to live among us and die in our place. He accepted the shed blood of Jesus Christ as the price of redemption once and for all and He allows every single man and woman on the earth to lay claim to that redemption just by confessing the name of Jesus.

He redeemed us from an eternity in hell and promised us eternity with him.

But He did not promise us heaven on earth – He promised a new heaven and earth. On this earth He promised us that evil men would hate us and seek to kill us. He promised that persecution would be rampant and the earth would crumble around us. He promised us a Comforter and He promised us that He would be coming for us – and that He will avenge us.

And we accuse Him of unfaithfulness when pain and death come near our homes.

When the worst happens, when our hearts are broken and cold with grief, when we feel farthest from Him we are called to remember that He hasn’t promised a life without heartache – but He has promised to be there.

Knowing this is a comfort to those who believe that there is more to life than life on earth. This is only bearable because we have placed our faith in God’s promise of eternity. Someday He will wipe away our tears of pain and we will at last know what it is like to live without fear of loss and experience pure joy. As was told in the Parable of the Talents, we will finally hear the words ‘Well done, good and faithful servant; you have been faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.’ (Matthew 25:23).

By no means is this an easy lesson to learn. I need reminding every day of God's promises and to keep my focus on the ultimate prize. I know there may never be enough "I'm sorry's" in this world for the things I have done wrong that have contributed to this loss in my life.

There are so many lessons I have learned this last year and so many good friends have walked me through lots of very hard times. They too, have taught me so much. Likewise, there may never be enough "thank you's" for what they have done and continue to do for me.

A childhood friend said to me one day "Kelley, maybe God just wants you to look at Him. Maybe you are experiencing this loss so you will look at Him. Maybe he is saying to you "What else do I have to take from you to get you to look at Me?"" I often think about this statement and wonder if this is why things happened the way they did. I will probably never know the answer to this or any of the other questions I still have in my heart. I have also learned not to ask "why?" anymore. I have come to know there are lots of things I will never understand on this side of eternity.

I can only say that it is but for the grace of God that I have made it thus far. I am so very thankful that I have been held in the palm of His hand. I am truly blessed!

I have lots of other things to post in upcoming days. A lot has been happening lately and I can't wait to share them with you!

Sincerely,
Kelley